When you loose someone the “good enough” question always comes up.
When you divorce-Was I a good enough spouse?
When you loose a child- Was I good enough parent?
When you loose a parent- Was I a good enough child?
When you loose a friend- Was I a good enough friend?
You get it.
Dear one, I want you to know that you were good enough. Were there mistakes? Probably. We are all human, and mistakes are a part of that. They are the jumping off point for growth. We need those mistakes to keep building who we are into someone better. But if you did the best you could, that is always good enough.
Asking yourself if you were good enough is a common question. But, getting past that question is a struggle that has to be worked through. Our minds will dwell on the loss, and the mistakes, and the questions. It’s a natural response.
Did you do your best? You were enough.
Did you try to fix your mistakes? You were enough.
Did you do all that you could? You were enough.
Did you grow as a person? You were enough
Today, I sit here writing, and exhausted. Last night I was made to feel like I was not enough. It kept me up at night, like it has so many nights before. Our self worth, value, and wholeness is brought into question when we experience a loss. We wonder what we should have done differently. We wonder if we will ever be enough. We wonder if we can be whole again.
The truth is, yes we can, but not without work. Telling yourself that you are enough isn’t going to change how you feel. Realizing that you couldn’t do any more that what you did, and accepting that is what changes us.
How do we accept that? How do we convince ourselves that we were enough? It’s not easy, but it is simple. We have to love ourselves right where we are. We have to see that we did make the effort, that we poured ourselves into the lives of others, and that we can keep growing.
I struggle everyday with this. My mind wants to go back, and dwell on all the things I did wrong. It wants to repeat my mistakes over and over in my mind until I feel like I was never enough, and never will be.
It’s a matter of knowing truth, and repeating it to yourself until you not only believe it, but feel it deep in your soul.
I did the best I could. I was enough. I am growing. I am whole.
Like a song on repeat, these words have to be said to you over and over and over until they become ingrained in who you are. Until they are something that you say without prompting. And, they have to be said by you.
Changing the feeling of not being good enough takes time, and work. But, dear one, it is so worth it. Because, you are worth it. You were good enough. You will be good enough, and you are good enough.
Don’t let the narrative that you play in your mind consume you into a deep hole of anxiety. Change your narrative. You can do this. Because, you are good enough.