Rebuilding A Life

Thoughts don’t stop. I’ve been divorced a little over three months. He is already talking about marriage, kids, and building a life with his current girlfriend. I’m still stuck.

This morning my daughter woke me up early. I laid in bed, and I could remember exactly what it felt like to be held by him. The temperature of his skin, the way I lay in his arms, the smells, and how it felt. That’s all I have now are memories. They drive me crazy. Now I imagine someone else making those memories, and it haunts me.

My big question lately has been-What do I do with my life now? I have plans. I always have. But he always came first. Now I have the opportunities to fulfill those plans, and they seem lacking. Living a life of business, and making a name for myself was grand when I shared it with someone. But now what?

Now I make a name. I build a business. I show my children what working hard for a life that you want looks like. Yet, it all seems dull in comparison. So how do I keep going? The short answer is….I have no idea. The better answer is….You just do it.

When things are hard, and your thoughts don’t stop. When what you thought your life would look like has changed, and you don’t know how to deal with it. When your memories are becoming someone else’s reality, and it breaks you. You just do it. You set your intentions. You build a plan. You stick to a routine. You acknowledge that you are the only one who can do exactly this. Then you do it.

Because not doing it is worse. Not doing it means that you show your children that it’s okay to give up. It means that you show the people who brought you down that they have the power to control you. You do it, because not doing it means that you give up control over yourself too. You do it because it’s a better life than doing nothing.

What am I going to do with my life now? I don’t have a complete thought on that. But I know that it will be action. Every thought toward building a life that you are proud of has to be followed up with an action. Without action there is no progress. Without progress you stay stuck. I do not want to be stuck. So I move my thoughts into actions, and my actions become a life worth living.

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