We are trying to rebuild, my children and I. Looking toward a future is hard when you still miss the past. I still miss my (ex) husband. They still miss their dad, and the stability that being a family brought them. It’s been hard. So many tears, so much anger, and so much depression.
In the last few weeks we have been working to build a new life. We are searching for a future that will fit us. This has brought some changes in our house. We have bought new furniture that is more fitting for us, and sent the furniture back to dad’s that was a reminder of our life together. A new couch, chair, and beds being the main things.
We have cleaned out our home of any extra stuff that we don’t use, or no longer want. We have adapted a minimalist lifestyle, and are enjoying the perks of not having to clean all the time. We have limited our contact with people, and only seek out the ones we can be at peace around. No more drama is the goal. We have spent time together doing small things that have a big impact. Watching a movie. Going to the thrift store. Planning travel days. Looking at a different future.
Currently we are looking at buying a camera, taking some classes, going on day trips, and having dream days where we plan future fun events. It doesn’t make up for the loss in our life. It still hurts everyday that we plan a future with one less person in our family. We still get sad when we feel alone, and miss having him around. But, we are no longer always stuck in the past. We look to a future. One that is different from what we thought, but still fulfilling and good.
We talk, and we are there for each other, and we don’t let any one of us sink too far into the sadness. We work on building strong bodies, building goals, building a future, building a plan for the things we want to do. We build, and we push, and we love, and we keep going. It is all we can do. The pull to dwell in the past is strong. Thankfully, the pull to build a future is rising.