When my son died I knew there would be nights like tonight. I was hoping I could avoid them. If only I could stay busy, work hard, read a lot, play with my daughter. But, nights like tonight still come. Nights when I cry, and curl up, and hope that something changes. Nights when watching what I ate all day becomes void as I slowly empty an entire sleeve of saltines. Nights when I stop answering my phone, and when it rings I glare at it because somewhere in the back of my mind pushing that green button could produce catastrophic results.
Then I make a list. Lists make my world feel a little more stable. Lists help me see the facts. To me, lists mean I can be more focused, and less of a mess. So tonight I made a list. What comfort is….it’s not a great title, but it is what I needed. I thought, just maybe, it might be what you need too?
What comfort is:
- A big, soft sweater pulled around your aching body.
- A fluffy blanket tucked under your toes.
- A pile of notebooks, and pens to take down your fleeting thoughts.
- A dozen or so books beside you to choose from when the tears have dried.
- A banana bread beer. It’s familiar taste from a date you went on long ago.
- A cowl, half knitted, waiting to be finished.
- A song, played on repeat to soothe your soul.
- Gorgeous pictures filling your Tumblr feed, to bring you back to a place of calm.
- Soup in your bowl, because you know that eating is part of self care.
- Lists that you make to help you feel like you have some sanity left.