Does Your Mindset On Failure Need To Change


I live in a creative community. Sometimes the pressure to put out new and amazing work feels high. There are photographers, writers, painters, potters, jewelry makers, musicians, book sellers, craft beer specialists, florists, soap makers, knitters, and even an independent printing press. There are artist meetups, and mixers all over town. Events to showcase the work to everyone around town, and grants to assist new and upcoming artists.

I do what I can to stay connected to the network around me. I go to some events, I visit the shops, I chat with people when I see them at the local coffeehouse. It’s a necessary thing to maintain connections, even for an introvert. Then there are those crazy rose colored glasses that make everyone else’s work seem so much better than yours. Do you know what I mean?

My insecurities about my work have followed me well into my adulthood. As I am sure it has for many of you. First, there is the fear of failure. We all have it about something. In my case, it is my writing. I can admit that I’m a fairly good knitter, and I can cook, but my writing is where I doubt myself. What if I’m not good enough? What if I get laughed at? What if I never make it as a writer, and I just end up with a bunch of notebooks, and nothing to show for it?

I want to combat these insecurities. So I’m going to hit them head on.

What if I am not good enough. Well guess what, dear heart, you aren’t, and you are. There will always be someone who thinks you are not enough. You will never be good enough for them. Your work will always seem beneath them. Just make sure that person isn’t you. Because, if you are doing the best you can in the situation you are in, well then you are good enough. You are good enough for that moment. You are good enough for the work you have before. You are good enough…..fill in the blank. Again, if you are doing the best you can, you are enough.

What if I get laughed at. You will. Some people are not intelligent enough to know when something great is in front of them. But, if you are doing the work there will be someone who will think you are fabulous, so just ignore the rest! Seriously.

What if I never make it? You might not, and what is the worst that could happen with that? You think you will have wasted your life? All of the knowledge and experiences you had along the way, those were not a waste. You learned something. You fought to become something. You built something. That is worth so much more than I can describe to you.

You see, yes there are a lot of wonderfully talented people in this world, but you are one of them. You are needed to bring just a little bit more beauty to this world. You will fail, but there is something in failing that will help you become better. Use the failures to your advantage, and learn from them. Until one day you no longer fail. Don’t stay down. Get up, and use it to create something better. In your life. In your work. In your art. You can do it.

You are enough.

Dream Something New

I wanted to be a doctor. I wanted to go to Africa, and help the sick, the poor, and the oppressed. I wanted to write about it all, and be published. I had grand dreams. None of it ever fell into place though, and I reworked my dreams to instead include a husband, children, and living a life with them. We got married, and loved well, and filled our days and nights with each other.

Then it happened. Those dreams were gone too. He was done, and had already moved on. I was stuck. I moved out. I started businesses. I continued to home school,to work, to go to our son’s football games, and run our daughter to her appointments. I started building a new life.

This life was harder in some ways because I no longer had my husband. He was my friend, my confidant, and my lover. I had lost all of that. But, I did have the freedom to stay up late and work. I could be busy, and not have to think about how that effected anyone but me and my kids. It wasn’t an even trade by any means, but it’s what I had.

So I keep going. My kids are watching me. I work hard. I play sometimes too. I keep busy. I live in the life we have made, full of writing, and knitting, and school, and the never ending hustle. I work out. I try to keep my thoughts to myself. I avoid drama, and I march forward. Because that is what building a life again looks like. It looks like work, and relationships, and finding new adventures. It looks like trial, and error, and learning, and questioning, and exploring who you are, what you want, and how to get there.

I’m not a doctor. I rarely travel. But I am changing things around me. I am working to have a life that I am proud of and happy with. I am working to build something that I enjoy. I am building businesses. I am cooking, and writing, and creating. I am taking old dreams, and building new.

Just because your dreams didn’t come to pass does not mean your life is over. Keep going. Build something new. Go back and start over. Build something that you’ve always dreamed of. Just live.

In The Waiting


I hate waiting. It’s hard, and it gives me time to overthink. Today, I am doing a lot of thinking, and overthinking. Things may be changing in my life again, and I hate waiting to find out. It makes my anxiety go crazy.

When I’m buried under so much anxiety I have a routine to keep going. I grab my schedule, and start working my way down the list. I answer emails, and make my posts for my businesses. I write, and I read, I work out, and I make plans. I put myself (as much I can) into a robotic mode, and I work.

Keeping set goals for my life helps me to function even in difficult circumstances. It provides purpose when I need to keep moving forward, and gives me an outlet for some of my feelings. When I pour into my goals instead of sitting in my worry I am doing something to better my life.

Bettering our lives is what I am trying so hard to be about right now. I have reduced the amount of junk in our home. I would now consider us minimalists. I have worked on healing my body, and making it strong through working out and eating well, and occasionally taking time to rest. I have taken a little time everyday to write for me personally. Some days that means I journal. Some days I write out plans for travel, or what I want my home to look like,or my future, or goals. Sometimes I just color, or knit, or do something that gets my creativity flowing.

Bettering our lives also means that I say no to things a lot more than I used to. I guard our time. I take things slower. I don’t take on the drama as much anymore. There are people in our lives that we have a mutual give and take relationship with. Then there are those who will just take. Those are the people that I just can’t live in peace with right now. So I make our circle smaller so that everyone benefits more in our relationships. I take more time to rest, and watch a movie with my daughter, or sit on the beach because those things are just as important as the work and goals.

I have spent years waiting, and not living. I am now trying to find a way to do both. I can’t change waiting. It’s a part of life. I can live while I wait. I can work. I can move toward my goals. I can learn to breathe in the space I am in. I can better our life, make a life, and live a life while I wait. Who said waiting couldn’t be active? What do you do while you wait?

Planning A Future

We are trying to rebuild, my children and I. Looking toward a future is hard when you still miss the past. I still miss my (ex) husband. They still miss their dad, and the stability that being a family brought them. It’s been hard. So many tears, so much anger, and so much depression.

In the last few weeks we have been working to build a new life. We are searching for a future that will fit us. This has brought some changes in our house. We have bought new furniture that is more fitting for us, and sent the furniture back to dad’s that was a reminder of our life together. A new couch, chair, and beds being the main things.

We have cleaned out our home of any extra stuff that we don’t use, or no longer want. We have adapted a minimalist lifestyle, and are enjoying the perks of not having to clean all the time. We have limited our contact with people, and only seek out the ones we can be at peace around. No more drama is the goal. We have spent time together doing small things that have a big impact. Watching a movie. Going to the thrift store. Planning travel days. Looking at a different future.

Currently we are looking at buying a camera, taking some classes, going on day trips, and having dream days where we plan future fun events. It doesn’t make up for the loss in our life. It still hurts everyday that we plan a future with one less person in our family. We still get sad when we feel alone, and miss having him around. But, we are no longer always stuck in the past. We look to a future. One that is different from what we thought, but still fulfilling and good.

We talk, and we are there for each other, and we don’t let any one of us sink too far into the sadness. We work on building strong bodies, building goals, building a future, building a plan for the things we want to do. We build, and we push, and we love, and we keep going. It is all we can do. The pull to dwell in the past is strong. Thankfully, the pull to build a future is rising.

You Will Be Okay Again

Most of the time, to most people, I appear to be okay. I function well. I put up a facade, and I pretend that life is moving forward. I become almost robotic. Almost.

Then there are nights like tonight. I journal with a pen and paper about the things I miss. The tears flow almost as fast as the words. I say the things to my little blue notebook that I will never speak out loud, and I wonder if I will ever really be okay. Will I be okay deep inside, where no one sees me?

People move on. They find new jobs, new homes, new loves. I don’t. I’ve always been one to dwell inside of myself for a long time, and not move forward. I don’t forget easily, and the pain never quite goes away.

So I’m left wondering what that means for me now. I love long and hard, and when it’s over my heart is never the same. Twice in my life I’ve survived the pain of loosing someone I love, but having to watch them live a life without me. I already know that I wouldn’t survive a third. It’s not some sad, self-pity thing. It’s just something I know about myself. Just like I know my eyes are blue, my skin will always burn in the sun, I will always be stubborn, and I would not survive love a third time.

I had it. I lost it. That’s it. I don’t look for new love. I don’t think that there is something better out there for me. I simply live my life as it is now. I have children, so I must. I get up, I work, I love my kids, and I try my best. At night, when the house is quiet, and my heart starts bleeding again, I try my best to keep going. Because I can’t do anything else.

I say all of this because I think some of you understand what I am saying. I think some of you have also thought the same things I have….

I won’t survive this again….

I need to shut down before I can’t function….

Will I ever feel okay….

Why wasn’t I enough….

Why can’t we go back and fix it…..

Maybe you are on the other side of this type of thinking. Maybe you are glad to be done with that life, that person, who you were then….If that’s you, then I’m glad that you are doing better. I’m glad you can move forward with out the crazy self questioning thoughts.

But for those of you who are like me, you are not alone. I want you to know that in every part of you. You are not alone. You are enough. You are going to be okay. You can get through this. You will live again. Give it time. Give yourself grace, and love. You will make it.

Do The Work

My days tumble into each other. Writing, knitting, cooking, appointments, homeschooling, and attempting to still remain sane. It’s a lot to handle. I do it because I have to. But, I also do it because I want to.

I love the hustle. I’ve never been much for sitting around. I don’t watch movies with out working. I don’t go anywhere with out bringing something that needs done. It’s part of who I am. Growing up as the oldest of ten children means that I learned to hustle pretty early on. I’m grateful for that.

Sometimes I would love to rest more, but overall I am so thankful that I can, do, and usually enjoy the hustle. Yes, motivation can be a problem. Just push past it. I know it’s not easy, but you can do it.

I had a young girl contact me last night. She needed help loosing weight, becoming a healthy person, and handling the thoughts that come with having a lifelong disease. I talked to her for a while. I told her what worked for me, and what didn’t. Mostly I just kept telling her “You can do this. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it when you don’t feel like this everyday”

I’ve never had a problem with hard work. I’m disciplined, and stubborn. The problem that I have always had with everything I hustle for is fighting my thoughts. It is the biggest battle I’ve ever fought, and I don’t always win.

But, I get back up. I keep going. I keep moving. Telling yourself you can do something can be harder than actually doing it. We create doubt with our thoughts. We decide that we aren’t able to do something before we even try. We know that it’s going to cost us something. It always does. But friend, it is worth it.

You want to work for that job. You want to work for a healthy body. You want to work for a home, or new car, or even that new book. You want to work for your art. You want to do the things you dream of, or you wouldn’t be dreaming of them. You wouldn’t be researching, or talking about it, or leaning into every little thing you hear about it. You want the things you dream of.

What you don’t always want to do is the actual work. You have to do the work. Without the work you will not get to live those dreams you have kept inside for so long. It is worth it. Do it. You can, even if you don’t believe you can. I believe you can. I believe you can do the work, live the dreams, and be happy. But you have to believe it enough to do it. Take a deep breath, dive in, and just do it. One step at a time, one foot in front of the other. Do it. You won’t regret it.

The Process of Healing

To heal you have to hurt. It sucks. It’s the worst feeling ever. You just want the pain to stop, but in order for that to happen you have to dig up why it hurts in the first place.

I’m in the middle of a therapy assignment, and it just breaks me open. I feel pain, and anger, and avoidance. It’s a shit storm of emotions that I never wanted to feel. I want it to stop, yet I know that the only way for it to really stop is to wade through it. Feel it. Own it.

I used to be an angry person. I had some pretty serious anger issues. I learned how to control them, but that wasn’t always the best. It means that I keep a lot bottled up. It means that when I hurt, I get angry. But, then I shut it down before it can be fully expressed and dealt with. That doesn’t help.

Today, I tried acknowledging the anger. I started this great list with the title: What Makes Me Angry. I wrote three things on that list, and I cried my way through the last one. Hurt and anger have usually been so closely tied together for me that I can’t separate the two. Today was no different.

I have handled the hard things in my life two ways. I either face it head on with my sword drawn like I’m going to battle, or I avoid it. In my mind there is no middle ground. I’m learning now that I have to have the heart of a woman going to war, but I have to have enough mind to know when I can’t handle anymore. It’s a hard lesson to learn. I’m not good at the part of healing where you slow down, and feel things, and work through them. I charge ahead or not at all. That’s the way I’ve always been.

Today, I tried a different way. I took a nap. I read a book. Then I opened my journal, and wrote what I was avoiding. Then I cried. Now I’m here.

It’s a process that I am learning to be okay with.